Happy New Year, all of livejournal! I was going to fill out a new year quiz but then realised I would need to use my brain for that, which is currently in pain from me drowning it with Aldi champagne last night. Also if anyone could provide me with a documented account of how and when I left the pub and got home last night, that would be magnificent.
It's the future, again. I can't help but feel we all missed the opportunity last year when it first became the future in earnest. So this year, we're to start wearing luminous armbands immediately. FAO scientists: stop fucking about at the LHC and start making flying skateboards.
*www.livejournal.com. Log-in. Type in username and password... Incorrect password. Username and password... Incorrect password. Ahhh, I forgot I used to use a certain type of letter capitalisation. Username and password... Logged in. Good.*
It actually took me about four goes to remember my log-in details for a site I used for about seven years. Anyway. On with some topical blogging. Or livejournaling. Either way I'm probably typing at a bunch of derelict accounts.
Not that I'm one of the many massive Liberal Democrats that spawned into existence about a week ago, but it looks like the full fury of a Tory smear campaign is being launched against them and Nick Clegg. Today's front page of the Daily Mail is thus:
A double-spread is contained inside with 'WHAT THE LIBERAL DEMOCRATS REALLLLLLY WANT' type headlines that insinuate behind all that nice yellowy orange shit lies a man dedicated to personally fisting every human being alive with a British passport, and in a bad way. On closer inspection, it's usually something that concerns the minutiae of Lib Dem environmental policy. Expect to see just what the fucking hell the Liberal DemoSHATS (yeahhh) are REALLLY up to in the Tory press in the weeks to come...
'Clegg: Quegg?' should be such a headline, but it's not because I'm unfortunately not at the editorial reins of the Daily Mail.
First entry of 2009! I'm due a sizable update, and I do plan to do one about how livejournal is still worthwhile, even if I do barely look at it. For now though, I'll say that to call someone a something 'end' is the most devastating insult one can deliver. You're not the entirety. You're not even the journey. You're an 'end'. A dickend. A titend. An absolute precipice.
I hope you're all well.
Wed, Dec. 31st, 2008, 01:43 pm
I'm off into Liverpool town center now to take advantage of the fact that the actual biblical apocalypse has arrived in the somewhat disappointing and anti-climatic form of pre-January sales. Hopefully I won't be stuck in a queue behind Pestilence trying to purchase the first season of The Wire for the knockdown price of a tenner.
I notice as I get older that New Year becomes less and less a time where an absolutely massive booze and balloons explosion with everything involved seems all that necessary. It's built up as being a fundamental time of reflection and drunkenness and jumping about and multi-coloured bits of string all at the same time, all the while you're still either residually or completely physically fucked from Christmas. It's still good fun, usually, but surely all of the time should be time for reflection and change, rather than a slither at the end of the year when your brain is still soggy with goose fat and becks?
All the same, have a pre-Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind-itised Jim Carrey:
Wed, Dec. 24th, 2008, 08:00 pm
Have a Merry Christmas, a Happy New Year and fuck Noel Edmonds.
Not have sex with Noel Edmonds. As if in fuck off, Noel Edmonds. Stop it. Go away. Don't die, or anything, because you're fun in a bearded Daily Express weirdo sort of way. I raised a curious eyebrow when I read that you believe your dead parents float above your shoulders in the form of melon-sized electromagnetic orbs, and chuckled hearty when you stated that you sought to fix 'Broken Britain'. "Heh, Noel Edmonds is such a complete tit" I thought. You're fit for purpose on Deal or No Deal and you were great in Brass Eye, however, 'Noel Edmond's Christmas Presents', no. Just don't. Please be much less prevelant.
That aside, I wish you all pleasant times over the holidays and nice tidings, with blissful bits of tinsel and gnarly returns. Have a good one!
Fri, Nov. 7th, 2008, 11:14 am
Fun, Mad Mel
Freedom Now Stands Alone.
A fantastic article by the ever correct Melanie Phillips. What an exceptional and bold columnist she is. A searingly brilliant, truth spurting pragmatic conservative. She cuts through, or to, the bullshit and just spreads it everywhere. The truth, I mean. One of the few. She's definitely not, y'know, a fucking raving beady-eyed lunatic.
"Those who have for the past eight years worked to bring down the America that defends and protects life and liberty are today ecstatic. They have stormed the very citadel on Pennsylvania Avenue itself.
I read this, pulled a face, looked at the wall briefly, rubbed my eyes a bit and then got up to make a cup of tea to just try and forget I ever spent any of my life reading such unadulterated nonsense. Preferably before I started imagining myself trying to destroy the Statue of Liberty by hacking away at her ankles with a penknife. Or punching the Lincoln memorial in the shin, shouting "how do you like that then, DICKHEAD." Never again. Unless...
"Millions of Americans remain lion-hearted, decent, rational and sturdy. They find themselves today abandoned, horrified, deeply apprehensive for the future of their country and the free world. No longer the land of the free and the home of the brave; they must now look elsewhere.
Well at least they're sturdy. Not sitting on a funny angle or anything. Arched to the side a bit, in a way that makes your abdomen feel a bit creaky. There are no rocking chairs in this crumbling American Utopia, don't be fucking stupid. There are lots of lions though, which are bred especially for heart transplants. Nope, sturdy, 100% level with the horizon. Just sitting there, looking on, terrified, as America melts itself.
Also, if you have a few hours to spare, the comments section might sustain your interest. In that masochistic, must read on oh good lord that was stupid I'll read some more argh why does anyone think like this ever ugh no this is just
, sort of way.
"Great words Melanie. If President Elect Obama is the hard left, black power anti-semite that I fear he is, no doubt after he's freed the Al Qa'eda terrorists from Guantanamo, he'll put his opponents there instead.
Haha. Ha. Oh, no.
Tue, Oct. 14th, 2008, 10:18 pm
, the Daily Mail? Are you sure? God help the clinically depressed middle-Englander.
I'll get round to writing something of substance soon, as my life is loadsful recently. University is ace, not smoking is the best idea I've ever had and morning swims are good for thinks.
Sat, Sep. 6th, 2008, 04:24 pm
The TV Show
While doing a bit of ironing, I heard this coming from the television, which I'd only put on as a bit of background noise in lieu of a radio.
Krishnan Guru-Murthy: We want to know your views. Were you satisfied with the G-Spot Season? Did programme names such as The Perfect Vagina turn you off? As a man, did you merely tune in for titillation? Today we have *such and such a person* with us, welcome *such and such a person*. First of all, did you tune in and watch Lisa Roger's Perfect Vagina with your daughter?
*such and such a person*: I did, yes. Though I would like to make the correction that we sat and watched A Perfect Vagina, not Lisa Roger's Perfect Vagina.
Krishnan Guru-Murthy: Of Course.
I ironed that collar about 7 times.
Ah brilliant! Yet another boringly formulaic Guy Ritchie film about gangstarrrrs. Or in this case.. 'rocknrollas'. Fuck off.
Nice to see a Fast Show sketch from 8 years ago still applies.